Stacia’s Note: My Proposal to Dusty

When Dusty proposed to me in February, it took my breath away.

It was a surprise getaway, just a few days before a surgery that was going to remove my implants due to complications. The surgery would leave me flat, something I had feared since my mastectomy. I was, understandably, nervous and afraid about an unknown future.

And then she swept me away into a magical week of love, adventure, and a beautiful proposal. After that, the surgery was less scary. All I could feel going into it was love.

Shortly after, she confided in me that she'd dreamt of being proposed to as well. So once I had recovered from my surgery, I got to work.

I didn't have a clue what to do at first...Dusty's proposal had been SO amazing! Surprise cabins in the woods, hikes at Mt. Rainier, hot saunas and cold plunging...and of course, a proposal in a sauna on the Skykomish River, under Index Mountain.

If you want to see the whole thing, head over to our Instagram and you'll see a reel capturing the moment from a hidden camera. How do you top that?!?

But as I considered many different unfoldings, one of my favorite things was planning something totally different, thinking about her the entire time. You've probably experienced this too: times when you've planned a gift or a surprise for someone you love, and the thinking about them the whole time (as well as imagining their reaction) is one of the best parts? ‍‍

There are moments as the trip unfolded that I'll never forget.

Moments like her running toward the plane, arms spread in excitement, having no idea what was ahead…and giddy about it anyway. Or her surprise when she realized we were seeing Jon Batiste at the Hollywood Bowl that night; he is one of her favorite artists, and was performing at a magical place she had never been. We picnicked in our chairs as the sun went down and danced into the night to messages of acceptance, joy, and love.

But...no proposal. ;-)

As an aside, Jon has been a huge musical and personal inspiration to us--Dusty has even had Jon join her in her dreams. We love the spirit and message of his music, which surrounds love, acceptance, and connection, among many other things. Here's one of our favorite songs below. He's also the main focal point of the documentary, American Symphony, and is married to writer Suleika Jaouad, author of Between Two Kingdoms (a story about her decades-long cancer journey that really inspired Stacia in the middle of her journey). Give Jon a listen--we hope you love him as much as we do!

The next day, I asked for something big: the courage to join me for a professional photoshoot in Downtown LA. I'd arranged for professional hair and makeup beforehand, and a photographer was meeting us in front of Walt Disney Concert Hall.

The wonderful Ashanta making Dusty glow.

I knew Dusty hadn't had professional photos taken since her breast augmentation and extensions, and I felt it could be very affirming to experience seeing herself as a beautiful and commanding woman--something beyond the dysphoric voice that, at times, infiltrates her mind and tells her otherwise.

The call to courage sometimes comes in curious places. I'll share a little known fact about my Dusty: she feels that she's highly unphotogenic. It blows my mind, having taken probably the most photos with her.

But we often see ourselves with different eyes than the world around us.

She’s no exception. I'm no exception.

I see her in a different light than she sees with her own eyes: breathtakingly beautiful, feminine, soft and vibrant at the same time.

Dusty was very nervous. Doing this shoot required a lot of courage--not just to trust the photographer, but to stand so publicly in DTLA.

And not so surprisingly (at least to me)...not only did she look stunning, but she crushed it.

Here's a sneak peak of some of the unedited photos:

It ended up being a beautiful and affirming experience for both of us. We've heard that courage only comes on the other side of fear.

But that day, I saw something that came on the other side of courage: freedom.

When we feel free to be ourselves, something in us breathes. Relaxes. Even delights. That's what I saw in my Dusty that day. I was so proud of her.

We ended the night at a sushi restaurant looking over the LA skyline, and then went back to the hotel. That's right...still no proposal! Ha!

The following day, we spent the morning with some fun energetic work. We visited an energetic priestess who did some chakra work, we did breathwork and meditation, pulled some cards, and did some couples energetic work together. Then...back to the airport. Still no proposal! 

But I had a surprise waiting for her when we walked in the door. 150 LED candles and rose petals creating a path from the door to our dining area, and more candles filling the room with a dim light. In the center of the room was a heart of rose petals, and one of the very first songs we shared was playing.

It was there, in the middle of the first home we would share together, that I asked to continue to have many adventures--a lifetime of them--together.

And she said…YES.